fuck you, I'm a bus! (sevenfists) wrote in dear_dean,
fuck you, I'm a bus!

Dear Dean,

There is something I have always wondered...What is the airspeed velocity of an unladen swallow?


Arthur, King of the Brits

P.S. It burns when I pee. What do I do?

Dear Arthur,

Dude, aren't you dead? No? Hell, stranger things have happened.

Okay, so to figure out how fast a swallow's going, first you have to know how much it weighs. Are there coconuts involved? I hear they can really throw a wrench in the works. You also have to know the air temperature, the swallow's launching speed, how far it's going, and. Uh. Some other stuff. Shit, whatever, I just have a GED, I don't know all this physics bullshit.

I can help you with the burning piss problem, though. Four words: go see a doctor. You don't want to mess around with that shit. Next thing you know, your dick'll turn colors and fall off, and that's no fun for anyone involved.

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